Sports Jokes & Sports Humor
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Three Elderly Ladies at a Baseball Game
This is a detective story .
So Pay Close Attention!!!
.
Three elderly ladies are excited about seeing their first
baseball game.
They smuggle a bottle of **** into the ball park.
The game is real exciting
and they are enjoying themselves immensely...
mixing the Jack Daniel's with soft drinks.
Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone
and the game has a lot of innings to go.
Based on the given information, what inning is it
and how many players are on base?
Think!
Think some more!!
You're gonna love it
Answer:
It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded!
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Where's My Pajamas?
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something
has just come up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week.
It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away, so can
you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue
silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good
trip?"
"Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
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A Quick Short Stop
Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base
than it takes to run from first to second?
Because you have a short stop between second and third.
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Englishman Playing Baseball
A local community club was organizing a baseball team. They could
only muster eight players, and were hard put to find a ninth. In
desperation, they called on a new member, a very reserved
Englishman who had just moved into the neighborhood from London,
to join their team.
During their first game, the Englishman came to bat. On the very
first pitch, he knocked the ball out of the park.
The team members stood there, dumfounded. Unfortunately, so did
the Englishman. "Run!" his teammates cried. "For Pete's sake,
run!"
The Brit turned and stared at them icily. "I jolly well shan't
run," he replied. "I'm perfectly willing to buy you chaps another
ball."
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Scottish At A Baseball Game
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and
after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman
stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run
ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"
A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously
pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya
bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"
The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the
ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells "R-r-run ya
bahstard, r-r-run!"
All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down
confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to
the Scotsman, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."
After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and
screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"
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Baseball in Heaven
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in
America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed
baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box
score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even
agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell
the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob
passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory
earlier in the evening.
He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the
sound of Bob's voice from beyond. "Bob is that you?" Earl asked.
"Of course it me," Bob replied.
"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there
baseball in heaven?"
"Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do
you want to hear first?"
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven,
Earl."
"Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"
"You're pitching tomorrow night."
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Einstein
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the
first person he sees and asks,
"What is your IQ?" to which the man answers "241."
"That is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand
Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will
have much to discuss!"
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your
IQ?" To which the lady answers, "144."
"That is great!," responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and
current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to
which the man answers, "51."
Albert responds, "How 'bout them Cowboys?"
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Greatest Hitter
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted
through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball
and bat: "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
"Strike One!" he yelled.
Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, "I'm the
greatest hitter in the world!"
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again
and missed.
"Strike Two!" he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball
carefully.
He spit on his hands and rubbed them together.
He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest
hitter in the world!"
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He
missed.
"Strike Three!"
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world.
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Jose Comes To America
Jose came to America from Mexico and wanted to go to a baseball
game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it.
When he got there, there were no seats, so he climbed to the top
of the flag pole to get a better look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said.
"Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all
the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you
see?"
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Season Ticket
A husband was engrossed in a magazine while his wife was reading
the newspaper. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.
"Get this," she said. "Some guy put an ad in here offering to
swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmmmm," her husband mumbled, still engrossed in his magazine.
Wanting to test him, she asked, "Would you swap me for a season
ticket?"
"Absolutely not!" he said.
"That's so sweet," she replied. "Tell me why not."
"Heck, the season's already more than half over!" he said
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Quotes of Yogi Berra
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come
to yours."
"Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."
"If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna
stop them."
"No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded."
"We made too many wrong mistakes."
"You can observe a lot by just watching."
"I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4." - Yogi Berra
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